Dear Isla

Dear Isla,

We are hours/days (please don't say weeks) away from changing your life dramatically. You are about to become a big sister. I sit here at two o'clock in the morning more then a little emotional thinking of all the changes that are coming to our family, to your world.

Up until this point you have been the center of your parents entire universe. You came in to our lives and with your very first breath redefined what it meant for us to be alive and who we are as people. You changed what it meant for me to be in love with your father. It was as if you coloured in and highlighted with your crayons exactly why and how much I love the man who loves me so much he wants to raise a family with me and chooses me to be the mother of his children. Your arrival connected me in a way I can scarcely describe to my own parents.

How we are lucky/blessed enough to have been entrusted you I can't really wrap my head around. But every day when I wake up, before my feet hit the floor I thank God I get to wake up and be your Mommy.

Now change has come to how you will experience being in this family of ours. Things wont be the same for you. At this point nothing can alter the fact that your world is about to be rocked.

There are enough years between your Aunts and I that I remember the minute I met your Aunt 'lissa. I remember becoming a big sister. My dear, that is one experience I can not deny you. No matter how hard those first few years were, the gift of siblings in your Moms life has been so important I can't imagine functioning without them. So here I sit. Holding your future brother (we think) in my body hoping that you get to experience all the wonderful things I get to because I have two partners in crime, love, loss and life in general. I am holding under my heart a person for you to learn to fight with, learn to make up with, learn to plot against your parents with.

As difficult as a change this may be I want you to know that you, my funny girl, are and will forever be that same center of our universe. Only a few hours (please) or days from now that center will be a little bigger and you will have another person there to help you even out the ratios between parents vs children. Keeping in mind the levels of neurosis your parents sometimes exhibit, that evening of the ratio can only be a good thing.

I can feel my heart right now multiplying in size as I think of you as a big sister. Love never, ever divides it can only multiply. The miracle of it really is that sitting here at my computer in the middle of the night I can feel it happening. I can feel it happening as this baby prepares to meet us all in person. I can feel my heart expanding in ways I don't quite have words for, but please know this; it is spectacular how much I love both you and your brother. As your great grandma used to say "Baby's bring their own love." and well darlin' girl, I think this boy is packing a double load.

I can't wait for you to meet him and I can't wait to show you how to be a big sister. I know you are going to be spectacular.